Therapy

"Genius is the ability to put into effect what is on your mind. "
F. Scott Fitzgerald

Why I love Darcy Day... (another excerpt from her blogosphere, illustrated by friendship) This idea--that the future is yours for the taking--is a source of simultaneous solace and great discomfort for me. I love and embrace the belief that life is only yours to define, but am I the only one who fears, underneath it all (after my puffed up chest deflates and my big talk trails off), that I won't have what it takes to ever realize that kind of freedom? I mean, I do enough: pick up and move to New York...turn down a raise/"promotion" because it's not the right direction for me...walk away from men who are perfect on paper, but lack the essential spark...but I don't do stuff that makes me proud of myself often--which would be in any regular fashion. Daily, even weekly, strides would be more satisfying. If I get beyond a month, I start to feel a little (and then a lot) LOST, which is where I stand before you. I have this kaleidoscope of goals circulating in my mind CONSTANTLY. These are things I ache to do, that I need to have behind me at the end of my days as I look back on my life--that I know I will regret not pursuing if they fall through the cracks--and I'm not moving toward them. Instead, I'm playing this game of hopscotch around them, sometimes near them--but more by chance than with intent, so if I do get lucky and land on something special if won't feel earned. Two-time loser. I hope this is just a twenty-something thing. I hope I'll grow up and start to run toward my objectives as time moves on, instead of around in circles.

You are hypercritical, but that's what propels you towards constantly bettering yourself. I have always believed that those who are constantly proud of their own achievements are substituting those achievements for other areas in which they lack so greatly that they must sound the horns to distract attention away from the empty areas. Being content in where you are breeds complacency which in turn breeds stagnancy and laziness. Try to see your doubt as a gift, as a constant source of encouragement. Instead of thinking that the present is not enough, focus on the future being an eternal opportunity. It's okay to live it day by day. Each morning is a chance to accomplish something new. If you look too far ahead you cease to see what's in the immediate. If you set too many goals, none get the needed attention. If you question your ability, then you and you alone have allowed yourself to fail. You are brave, and strong, and beautiful and have a tighter grasp on your objectives than I think you realize. The beautiful thing about moving in circles is that life allows you to come around again, to fix the present based on the past, to mend old wounds and help those left behind. I think that circles are a beautiful way to live. Lainey

"I write to break down borders. My sensibility has always been global, to find expression through my poetry, plays, and films to bring individuals and worlds, seemingly apart, closer in understanding. The cafes I write in, are my libraries - from Paris to Prague to Los Angeles. I write to live out loud, and through the expansive reach of art, hope to achieve community through a common language." -James Ragan, Poet, Playwright, and Screenwriter